Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
