if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
