I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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