if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
