hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
