just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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