i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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