tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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