Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
