good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
