I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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