Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
