He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize