one might say we're banned from that church
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
not ubering you a puppy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
