Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
