when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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