Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
