I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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