Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
