Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
