btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
