You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
