Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
