You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
