She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
