I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
