That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
did i just pee glitter
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
