I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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