So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
