he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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