Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
