Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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