Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
