Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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