never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
