I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are the jesus of drinking
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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