I just pynch a tree in the face
i already hear my dad disowning me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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