If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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