This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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