I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Less talking, more tequila
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
