You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
