no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
