Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
