Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
