It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
