So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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