According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
