Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
