your thong is hanging out like whoa
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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