The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
