Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
