The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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