What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
