I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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