I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
