i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
