woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
