dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
