I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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