so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
