if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
