is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
