so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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