we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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